Beverly PaoIrasshaimase!
That’s what you hear when you enter a Japanese restaurant. That is, if you can even hear their enunciation of the words…
Don’t. Just don’t.
Why travel to Japan when everything you need is here?
Here are my reasons why taking that eight-hour flight to Japan would be a complete waste of time (well, except for the airplane food and the airplane movies).
1. Their mountains are bleh
Image credit: Reginald Pentinio
2. Japanese people dress weird
Image credit: travelphotographer
3. And they take bathing too seriously
Image credit: Chi Tranter
4. Cherry blossoms are simply overrated
Image credit: Ryosuke Yagi
Overhyped, overglorified, these cherry blossom are. They only appear for a short time during spring, and tourists are NEVER sick of the view. Why?! Isn’t it just a couple of flowers on trees, pink and white?
Even I could paint that on a guide-by-numbers. No biggie.
5. Everyone knows that Japan’s roller-coaster rides are not even scary…
Image credit: Joe Baz
Dodonpa, Fuji Q Highlands – the fourth fastest roller coaster in the world, fastest acceleration in the world!
Image credit: Derek F. DiMatteo
Eejainaka, Fuji Q Highlands – also known as the world’s 2nd 4th dimension rollercoaster! i.e., the seat moves forward, backwards 360 degrees, while the ride goes 360 degrees as well.
Or rather, we should save ourselves from a heart-attack.
Also read: 13 Insane Roller Coasters in Asia to Include in a Thrill Seeker’s Bucket List
6. And that the festivals in Japan are pretty boring
Jidai Matsuri | Image credit: Adrian Lawrence
Nagasaki Lantern Festival | Image credit: Marufish
Kanamara Matsuri | Image credit: Takanori
An entire street filled with colourful floats, people dancing to festival music, people cheering… Just let me stay at home, will ya?
7. There’s a crazy number of temples which all look identical
Senso-ji, Tokyo | Image credit: OiMax
Kinkaku-ji, Kyoto | Image credit: hans-johnson
What’s more, all the temples have a different story to tell about their history. Talk about an overload of boring information!
8. The shrines are never-ending too
Fushimi Inari, Kyoto | Image credit: mlproject
I wouldn’t have time to walk through thousands of torii gates which lead up a hill.
9. Not to mention the innumerable World Heritage sites
Shirakawa-go, Gifu Prefecture | Image credit: Yoshiyuki Ito
Itsukushima Shrine, Miyajima | Image credit: Jordy Meow
Genbaku Dome, Hiroshima | Image credit: Freedom II Andres
10. What do I need castles for? I’m not royalty
Osaka Castle | Image credit: Sangyeon Yu
Matsumoto Castle | Image credit: René Vlak
11. Picking a cafe is always headache-inducing
Owl Cafe Akiba Fukurou, Tokyo | Image credit: Owl Cafe Akiba Fukurou
Aoyama Flower Market Tea House, Tokyo | Image credit: City Foodsters
Moomin Cafe, Fukuoka | Image credit: Jennifer Morrow
You are spoilt for choices for the type of cafe-hopping you’d like to do. Flower cafes? Cartoon-themed cafes? Cat cafes? Owl cafes? How can we choose?
It was always easier with only one option – plain old hipster cafes.
12. Sometimes you find deers roaming around the streets
Nara Park, Nara | Image credit: Terence Lim
There are actually deers hanging around in Japan… which you could feed, pet, or even take a selfie with.
Stay in your designated farms, deers!
13. Vending machines sell everything. Where’s the human touch?
Image credit: MaximilianHemon
Also read: Bizarre Vending Machines in Japan – the Ayes and the Nays
14. The toilets are so advanced, they will freak you out
Image credit: Maya-Anaïs Y.
So, many, buttons…
The toilets are more advanced than anywhere in the world. You’d have to learn how to harness its power…
15. The trains don’t wait for you – at all
Like who has time to be punctual, right?
The trains are impeccably punctual. And also spotlessly clean. Did you see the video where they clean the trains in 7 minutes?
16. Japanese food is just… okay
Image credit: Arek Socha
And erm, if you haven’t seen this…
Forward to 2:14 for the most amazing thing you’ve ever seen in your life.
17. Plus you can find sushi anywhere in the world, right?
Image credit: sushioooffice
Why bother flying all the way to Japan to have fresh sushi and sashimi, and be served hot piping green tea, together with delectable other sides… when you can have it at home?
What’s more, it will cost you a bomb to have such heavenly food at a Michelin restaurant such as Sukibayashi Jiro. Not worth it, me thinks.
18. The electronic stores will burrow a hole in your pocket
Ginza | Image credit: Chrstian Stock
I mean, five-storey high electronics stores… that’s way too much shopping.
19. And you will walk out of Don Quijote penniless
Image credit: Dick Thomas Johnson
Can I just say that you could buy anything, and I mean, anything, in this amazing store?
20. Pokemon is lame and they’re for kids
Image credit: alisdair
Your pokemon ran out of energy? Defeated in a battle? Not to worry! Here’s a pokemon centre!
21. And so is this place
Image credit: Tomohiro Ohtake
Kawa….iiiiiiiiiiii…… in Sanrio Puroland. I meant, damn it, it’s too much for me to handle! I can’t be going to Japan!
Also read: 16 Things Japan Does Better Than Your Country
So don’t even bother
See, this is why you should never bother even booking your tickets to go to Japan. You’d never be able to handle this much of awesome that would be heading your way.
Trust me, I’ve been there.
