Siti ZawaniAbout two and half years ago I had just been let go from a five-year relationship and I was entirely to blame. I say let go because I wanted to continue fighting to make amends, but my partner had given up all hope of ever reconciling and said enough is enough. He was the love of my life, and till this day, I live with regret. I knew I’d never find that sort of comfort and security with anyone else. For my own sanity, I had to find a way to deal with how lost and broken I felt. So, I figured a solo trip to Bali would be worth a try!
As a child I was never impressed with Bali, I guess mainly because when you travel with family, the activities you take up are safe and routine. That’s not to say that returning to Bali as an adult meant that I would hit up Kuta and party till the break of dawn. In fact, going back to Bali on my own terms, I got to see the beauty that is Ubud and Seminyak, along with the enjoyment of speaking with the locals like long-lost pen pals.
But up to that point, I’d only travelled with other people. As afraid and insecure as I was, along with the burden of heartache, I decided that I needed to go back alone.
Getting started on my solo trip to Bali
I had no set itinerary, no schedules mapped out and no idea where each day would take me, but I knew that I had to be away from the familiar. And so I opted a four-day stay at The Canggu Boutique Villas & Spa. I had a private pool and the option to have breakfast served to my villa every morning, should I wish.
I chose the location as it was away from cliché tourist spots, yet in an area with lots of cosy cafés. It also had 24-hour security! Its resident restaurant, The Butcher Social Habit, is also an ideal place for great burgers and a chill evening hangout.
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Things I enjoyed doing during my Bali solo trip
My only pre-planned activity was a bike trail, organised by Bali Bike Baik Tours. This took me through winding streets in the Balinese village areas. There were also several stops to view local homes, as well as expansive padi fields. I was the only one who was travelling alone in our group of 10 or so, but fortunately, I never felt out of place!
I struck up conversations with as many people as I felt comfortable with. It didn’t take long before I sensed a brief moment of calmness from the emotional turmoil I was enduring. On that day, all I cared about was that I was away from everything, and that I wasn’t around anyone who knew me; no one knew my story and so, I enjoyed being a foreigner to everyone as they were to me!
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Exploring more around Bali all by myself
The following days I decided to simply allow my morning mood dictate how the rest of my day would play out. One day I took a quick cab ride to Seminyak and spent the whole day walking around, shopping, getting a 2.5-hour massage, and checking out health cafés. I even got to catch up on my reading with my Kindle!
Another day, I felt so emotionally taxed that I mostly hung out by the pool and even squeezed in a quick workout. Most nights, I was back in the villa by 9pm latest. I was more than content watching TV with some nuts and beer to keep me company.
When I was out and about, I made it a point to face my own fears by simply walking up to the staff and making small talk. I found myself feeling very vulnerable each time I did. Yet, I also felt very relieved and proud of myself afterwards! I guess I just needed to know that as much as I wasn’t the greatest girlfriend, I was still someone worth talking to and getting to know, — even if only superficially.
Things I learned along the way
The breakup had caused my confidence and self-love to suffer greatly. Along with that is the weight of guilt. While the trip was actually rather low-key, it was therapeutic still. There, I could work through my thoughts and emotions without the interference of people’s opinions. It was as much a distraction from the stabbing pain in my chest as it was a way for me to find myself again!
It was only four days, but in those four days I made connections with complete strangers I wouldn’t have otherwise made. There were moments of crying, smiling and even meditation during my solo trip to Bali. But I also found the strength I needed to go home and pick myself up again.
In those four days, the reality of the breakup sunk in; I knew there was nothing else that worry could fix. Yet, an appetite to explore surfaced. I felt a little braver about venturing out on my own without the man I’ve been so sheltered by for the past five years! It’s funny how the absence of just one person in your life can make you see the world so differently.
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Fast forward to today, and I still have a hunger to re-visit Bali every time I feel the need for a break from the monotony and worries of life. There’s something about the place that gives me much peace and happiness, unlike any other destination I’ve visited before. Bali, for me, is more than a holiday choice; it’s where I sought refuge from heartbreak.
Featured and Facebook image credit: Hu Chen | Unsplash
